for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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