if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This toilet bowl is my home.
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