too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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