I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
well you can't waste a boner
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
