we have officially lost it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
