Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
