she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
