After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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