people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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