I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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