I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
