there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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