help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize