and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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