Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
