Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
