I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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