I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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