Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
