For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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