I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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