My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
