My liver just broke up with me...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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