You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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