i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
