dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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