u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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