if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
