we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
