I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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