He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
