so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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