I cockslap morals
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
