like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
