Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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