Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
