Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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