so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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