Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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