I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize