So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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