I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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