Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
