When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
