i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
