It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
