Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
