I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
BRING THE BAGELS
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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