let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
