The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
