why didn't you poke me back
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
