apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
