your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
