I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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