I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
