I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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