I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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