There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
