Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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