Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
