you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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