Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
