His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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