I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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