My friends, they love my intelligence
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
