I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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