Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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