i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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