If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
