i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
