he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
