dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
