i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
