she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
