take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
